| — We gotta get home for dinner! — | |
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| — This is a transcribed copy of D-Factor. — |
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Dylan was covered in pink, while every dog laughing at him including Clarissa.
Dylan (as Narrator): Yup, that's me. Funny isn't it? Let's start from the beginning when I had an invitation or better yet, lack thereof.
Flashback[]
This is transition to the flashback where Dylan and Dolly where riding on a skateboard.
Whoa!
277
00:11:48,417 --> 00:11:50,000
[laughs]
278
00:11:50,083 --> 00:11:51,291
Oh, no!
279
00:11:53,375 --> 00:11:54,834
[all gasp]
280
00:11:57,291 --> 00:11:58,750
Hugo, careful.
281
00:11:58,834 --> 00:12:00,250
One's kibble cake.
282
00:12:00,333 --> 00:12:02,875
Oh, kibble cake? I love kibble cake.
283
00:12:02,959 --> 00:12:04,750
Like really, really, really love it.
284
00:12:04,834 --> 00:12:06,333
[yapping]
285
00:12:06,417 --> 00:12:10,375
It was created specially
for one's annual summer soirée,
286
00:12:10,458 --> 00:12:11,917
only the most exclusive gathering
287
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:13,875
in all the London borough of Camden.
288
00:12:13,959 --> 00:12:15,333
[sighs]
289
00:12:15,417 --> 00:12:17,917
Oh, and you're invited.
290
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:20,333
-I am?
-[Clarissa] To stay well away!
291
00:12:20,417 --> 00:12:21,834
-[all laugh]
-Oh.
292
00:12:23,083 --> 00:12:25,125
I welcome only fascinating types,
293
00:12:25,208 --> 00:12:28,375
i.e., those in possession
of a personality.
294
00:12:28,458 --> 00:12:30,500
[all laugh]
295
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:31,792
Aww.
296
00:12:31,875 --> 00:12:33,375
So how come you three get to go?
297
00:12:33,458 --> 00:12:35,709
Huh? Huh?
298
00:12:35,792 --> 00:12:37,208
[cackling]
299
00:12:38,750 --> 00:12:41,667
What does she mean?
Those with a personality?
300
00:12:41,750 --> 00:12:44,291
I've got a personality, right?
301
00:12:46,041 --> 00:12:47,583
[whistles]
302
00:12:50,875 --> 00:12:51,875
[Dorothy giggles]
303
00:12:51,959 --> 00:12:54,250
-Right?
-Don't listen to them bro.
304
00:12:54,333 --> 00:12:56,291
Ah, who do those powder puffs
think they are,
305
00:12:56,375 --> 00:12:57,792
putting you down?
306
00:12:57,875 --> 00:13:00,208
[chuckles] That's my job.
307
00:13:00,291 --> 00:13:01,917
I mean, doesn't everyone
have a personality?
308
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:03,166
Uh, you've got one.
309
00:13:03,250 --> 00:13:06,500
-[Dorothy giggles]
-Yep. Fearless and feisty.
310
00:13:06,583 --> 00:13:07,834
Nah, more chaotic and noisy, but--
311
00:13:07,917 --> 00:13:10,458
Gee, thanks. Ugh.
312
00:13:10,542 --> 00:13:16,083
[Dylan] <i>It was bugging me,</i>
<i>so I decided to conduct a quick survey.</i>
313
00:13:16,166 --> 00:13:19,083
Yeah. You're kind of like...
314
00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:22,083
I don't know, furniture comfy.
315
00:13:22,166 --> 00:13:25,417
Yeah. And just, like, there.
316
00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:27,208
That's more a "soft science" query.
317
00:13:27,291 --> 00:13:29,041
You should try Deepak.
318
00:13:29,125 --> 00:13:31,458
The color of your aura is...
319
00:13:31,542 --> 00:13:33,250
I don't know, beige?
320
00:13:33,333 --> 00:13:35,709
I won't lie. If you were a piece of music,
321
00:13:35,792 --> 00:13:38,375
you'd probably be
what plays in an elevator.
322
00:13:38,458 --> 00:13:40,291
Um...
323
00:13:41,125 --> 00:13:42,250
Dig, dig, dig, dig, dig.
324
00:13:42,333 --> 00:13:43,709
[groans]
325
00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:46,583
Aw.
326
00:13:46,667 --> 00:13:48,125
But you do have a personality.
327
00:13:48,208 --> 00:13:51,291
It's uptight. I mean organized.
328
00:13:51,375 --> 00:13:52,583
Hmm.
329
00:13:52,667 --> 00:13:54,333
Uh, clean?
330
00:13:54,417 --> 00:13:57,291
Uptight? Organized? Clean?
331
00:13:57,375 --> 00:13:58,583
Uh...
332
00:13:58,667 --> 00:13:59,917
[sighs]
333
00:14:00,959 --> 00:14:02,375
[grunts]
334
00:14:02,458 --> 00:14:04,083
Where are you headed, Dull-an?
335
00:14:04,166 --> 00:14:06,458
Ha-ha. I mean, Dylan.
336
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:10,542
[Dylan] <i>Dull-an, huh?</i>
337
00:14:10,625 --> 00:14:14,166
<i>Well, he was about to be re-branded as...</i>
338
00:14:14,250 --> 00:14:15,458
<i>Tough Guy.</i>
339
00:14:15,542 --> 00:14:17,667
<i>I go by Howlin' Woof now.</i>
340
00:14:17,750 --> 00:14:19,625
Hey.
341
00:14:19,709 --> 00:14:21,583
[chuckles]
342
00:14:21,667 --> 00:14:23,917
[both] That's our lamppost, Dull-an.
343
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:25,834
Huh? Oh, hi, chaps.
344
00:14:25,917 --> 00:14:27,542
Just keeping it warm for you.
345
00:14:27,625 --> 00:14:31,917
-[both growl]
-OK, bye.
346
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:34,125
<i>Then I tried Chill-Out Guy.</i>
347
00:14:34,208 --> 00:14:36,917
Like, yeah, dawg.
348
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:38,166
[laughs]
349
00:14:38,250 --> 00:14:39,250
Dylan?
350
00:14:39,333 --> 00:14:42,000
I go by my spirit name now.
351
00:14:42,083 --> 00:14:43,375
Daffodylan.
352
00:14:43,458 --> 00:14:44,709
Sit with me, sister.
353
00:14:44,792 --> 00:14:46,583
Be at one with the flowers.
354
00:14:46,667 --> 00:14:49,667
-Be at one with the trees and-- and the...
-[bee buzzing]
355
00:14:49,750 --> 00:14:50,834
b-b-bee! Bee!
356
00:14:50,917 --> 00:14:53,500
Aah! Aah! Get it off me! It's a bee!
357
00:14:53,583 --> 00:14:54,709
[Dylan] <i>And then there was...</i>
358
00:14:55,792 --> 00:14:57,000
Yo, girls.
359
00:14:58,125 --> 00:15:00,834
Just call me Dyl-lightful.
360
00:15:00,917 --> 00:15:03,208
-[crashing]
-Whoa!
361
00:15:03,291 --> 00:15:04,792
[all laugh]
362
00:15:06,333 --> 00:15:07,500
[sighs]
363
00:15:07,583 --> 00:15:09,208
<i>Me and my four left paws.</i>
364
00:15:09,291 --> 00:15:10,792
<i>Personality roadkill.</i>
365
00:15:10,875 --> 00:15:14,333
<i>Guess it made me wonder</i>
<i>if maybe Clarissa was right after all.</i>
366
00:15:14,417 --> 00:15:18,458
I'm just beige old Dull-an,
with the personality of a sofa.
367
00:15:18,542 --> 00:15:19,834
A comfy sofa.
368
00:15:19,917 --> 00:15:21,083
Yeah.
369
00:15:21,166 --> 00:15:22,709
Oh...
370
00:15:22,792 --> 00:15:24,417
-[squawks]
-Whoa!
371
00:15:24,500 --> 00:15:26,417
[exclaiming]
372
00:15:26,500 --> 00:15:29,208
-[loud crashing]
-Ow! Ow! Ow!
373
00:15:30,417 --> 00:15:31,542
[laughs]
374
00:15:31,625 --> 00:15:33,125
You're funny, Dylan.
375
00:15:33,208 --> 00:15:35,458
Yeah, really funny.
376
00:15:36,750 --> 00:15:38,875
<i>And that's it right there.</i>
377
00:15:38,959 --> 00:15:41,917
<i>The very moment Funny Guy Dylan was born.</i>
378
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:43,250
Aah!
379
00:15:44,250 --> 00:15:46,166
[laughing] Hey!
380
00:15:46,250 --> 00:15:48,041
Good evening, ladies and germs.
381
00:15:48,125 --> 00:15:51,000
Did you hear the one
about the dog and the sandpaper?
382
00:15:51,083 --> 00:15:52,792
It was rough.
383
00:15:52,875 --> 00:15:54,125
[laughs]
384
00:15:54,208 --> 00:15:55,375
[rim shot]
385
00:15:55,458 --> 00:15:57,000
[hiccups]
386
00:15:57,083 --> 00:15:59,667
Hey, hey, what do you call a dog magician?
387
00:15:59,750 --> 00:16:02,083
A Labra-cadabra-dor.
388
00:16:02,166 --> 00:16:03,792
Zing.
389
00:16:05,417 --> 00:16:06,417
Thank you, thank you so much.
390
00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:09,959
[inhales deeply] What does a Dalmatian say
after dinner?
391
00:16:10,834 --> 00:16:12,625
Ooh, that hit the spot.
392
00:16:13,667 --> 00:16:15,500
I'm out.
393
00:16:15,583 --> 00:16:20,667
Yo, bro, maybe funny isn't quite
your flavor?
394
00:16:20,750 --> 00:16:22,750
[Clarissa giggling]
395
00:16:22,834 --> 00:16:26,709
Who is that hilarious dog?
396
00:16:26,792 --> 00:16:28,291
Dylan?
397
00:16:28,375 --> 00:16:31,208
Well, funny most certainly is
your, uh, flavor.
398
00:16:31,291 --> 00:16:33,583
I had no idea you were such a wit.
399
00:16:33,667 --> 00:16:35,709
What?
400
00:16:35,792 --> 00:16:38,875
How dare you hide your light
from the world like that?
401
00:16:38,959 --> 00:16:42,917
Oh, would you ever consider...?
No, no, I daren't ask.
402
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:44,959
-Ask what?
-If one could book you
403
00:16:45,041 --> 00:16:48,375
to be one's entertainment
at one's summer soirée?
404
00:16:48,458 --> 00:16:50,625
-Really?
-Come on, bro.
405
00:16:50,709 --> 00:16:53,959
You got skills,
but you sure funny's one of them?
406
00:16:54,041 --> 00:16:55,709
Oh, I don't know.
407
00:16:55,792 --> 00:16:57,542
Portia will be there.
408
00:16:57,625 --> 00:16:58,792
I'll do it.
409
00:17:00,208 --> 00:17:01,583
[sinister laugh]
410
00:17:06,750 --> 00:17:09,417
[indistinct chatter]
411
00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:13,250
Welcome, welcome to one's summer soirée.
412
00:17:13,333 --> 00:17:14,667
-[applause]
-[Clarisa] Thank you. Thank you.
413
00:17:14,750 --> 00:17:16,083
Thank you.
414
00:17:16,166 --> 00:17:18,333
Thank you. Thank you. Ahem.
415
00:17:19,583 --> 00:17:21,583
Now, without further ado,
416
00:17:21,667 --> 00:17:24,375
I give you the entertainment.
417
00:17:24,458 --> 00:17:28,166
Mr. Funny Bones himself.
418
00:17:28,250 --> 00:17:30,333
Dylan.
419
00:17:30,417 --> 00:17:33,083
[Dylan] <i>So there it was, my big break.</i>
420
00:17:33,166 --> 00:17:35,667
<i>Time for the real me to bring the funny.</i>
421
00:17:36,750 --> 00:17:38,750
[inhales and sighs]
422
00:17:42,166 --> 00:17:43,625
[feedback squeals]
423
00:17:44,625 --> 00:17:45,875
Whoa, hot mic.
424
00:17:45,959 --> 00:17:47,834
[laughs nervously] Is this thing on?
425
00:17:47,917 --> 00:17:52,417
Just to be clear,
I'm here in an ironic capacity only.
426
00:17:52,500 --> 00:17:54,208
Hey, anyone here from Camden?
427
00:17:54,291 --> 00:17:55,667
[laughs]
428
00:17:55,750 --> 00:17:57,458
-[crickets chirp]
-[coughing]
429
00:17:57,542 --> 00:18:01,500
Well, e-ever noticed if dogs drove cars,
430
00:18:01,583 --> 00:18:05,417
how hard it would be
to find a "barking" spot?
431
00:18:07,709 --> 00:18:08,834
A--A barking spot?
432
00:18:08,917 --> 00:18:11,375
[laughs]
433
00:18:16,166 --> 00:18:17,959
[both laugh]
434
00:18:18,041 --> 00:18:19,709
Barking spot-- Oh!
435
00:18:19,792 --> 00:18:22,041
Oh, no. Wait, wait, wait.
I've heard of this.
436
00:18:22,125 --> 00:18:24,542
Alt-com, or "alternative comedy."
437
00:18:24,625 --> 00:18:27,542
See, it's funny because it's not funny.
438
00:18:27,625 --> 00:18:29,542
We laugh together.
439
00:18:29,625 --> 00:18:32,125
[all laughing]
440
00:18:34,709 --> 00:18:36,375
Thank you, thank you.
441
00:18:36,458 --> 00:18:40,166
Uh, wh-what dog do you step in
after a rainstorm?
442
00:18:40,250 --> 00:18:42,542
-A poodle.
-[audience laughs]
443
00:18:42,625 --> 00:18:44,083
Huh?
444
00:18:48,333 --> 00:18:49,875
Oh, no.
445
00:18:49,959 --> 00:18:52,000
Bro! Dylan!
446
00:18:53,792 --> 00:18:55,542
Dylan!
447
00:18:55,625 --> 00:18:56,875
[laughs]
448
00:18:56,959 --> 00:18:58,208
Dylan!
449
00:19:00,041 --> 00:19:02,625
-Here's another. What do you--?
-[audience laughs]
450
00:19:04,834 --> 00:19:08,208
-Hmm. How do you call a dog...
-[percussive beating]
451
00:19:08,792 --> 00:19:09,792
Dylan!
452
00:19:09,875 --> 00:19:11,375
On his cell bone!
453
00:19:11,458 --> 00:19:13,375
[all laugh]
454
00:19:13,834 --> 00:19:14,959
Hmm.
455
00:19:17,667 --> 00:19:18,875
Whoa!
456
00:19:18,959 --> 00:19:19,834
[groans]
457
00:19:25,792 --> 00:19:28,750
Oh, oh, now it's interpretive Vis-Com.
458
00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:31,000
Oh, this guy is versatile.
459
00:19:31,083 --> 00:19:32,417
[all laugh]
460
00:19:34,834 --> 00:19:37,667
It kind of reminds me of a dark tragedy,
461
00:19:37,750 --> 00:19:39,458
you know, where a flawed character
462
00:19:39,542 --> 00:19:41,834
experiences utter humiliation
463
00:19:41,917 --> 00:19:45,709
at the paws of a manipulative,
overbearing force. [chuckles]
464
00:19:45,792 --> 00:19:47,667
[Dylan] <i>And there it is.</i>
465
00:19:47,750 --> 00:19:50,667
<i>The moment I realized</i>
<i>everyone was laughing at me,</i>
466
00:19:50,750 --> 00:19:51,917
<i>not with me.</i>
467
00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:53,667
Whoa!
468
00:19:55,208 --> 00:19:56,542
[laughter and applause]
469
00:19:56,625 --> 00:19:58,041
Bravo!
470
00:19:58,125 --> 00:20:00,333
Two clowns for the price of one.
471
00:20:00,417 --> 00:20:01,625
[laughs]
472
00:20:01,709 --> 00:20:04,375
Best summer soirée ever.
473
00:20:04,458 --> 00:20:05,875
[laughs]
474
00:20:05,959 --> 00:20:09,125
[Dylan] <i>And that was the moment I snapped.</i>
475
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:10,625
You want funny?
476
00:20:10,709 --> 00:20:12,750
I'll tell you what's funny.
477
00:20:12,834 --> 00:20:13,917
Hansel.
478
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:16,041
-Oh.
-[Dylan] You think you're so cool,
479
00:20:16,125 --> 00:20:18,875
-you give yourself the chills.
-[Spencer laughs]
480
00:20:18,959 --> 00:20:21,417
-[Dylan] Hey, Spencer,
think you're so sharp?
481
00:20:21,500 --> 00:20:23,083
Be careful you don't cut yourself.
482
00:20:23,166 --> 00:20:24,583
[audience laughing]
483
00:20:26,041 --> 00:20:28,333
And Prunella. Arabella?
Arabella? Prunella?
484
00:20:28,417 --> 00:20:29,709
Which one is which?
485
00:20:29,792 --> 00:20:31,542
Who knows? Who cares?
486
00:20:31,625 --> 00:20:34,959
-[audience cackling]
-And then there's our host.
487
00:20:36,208 --> 00:20:38,625
One so snooty, one simply beside oneself.
488
00:20:38,709 --> 00:20:40,917
Related to the Royal Corgis,
don't you know.
489
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:42,917
That's what one tells oneself anyway.
490
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:44,583
[all laugh]
491
00:20:45,875 --> 00:20:48,834
Stop laughing, you... you ruff-raff.
492
00:20:48,917 --> 00:20:51,542
"Stop laughing, you... you ruff-raff."
493
00:20:51,625 --> 00:20:54,250
How very dare you...
494
00:20:54,333 --> 00:20:55,583
[screams]
495
00:21:02,709 --> 00:21:05,792
[Hugo] Clarissa. Naughty.
Bathtime for you now.
496
00:21:05,875 --> 00:21:08,333
[sobbing] No!
497
00:21:08,417 --> 00:21:10,375
[laughing] Killed it, bro.
498
00:21:10,458 --> 00:21:12,792
Huh, I guess that was pretty awesome.
499
00:21:12,875 --> 00:21:15,709
But I got something more to say.
500
00:21:15,792 --> 00:21:17,625
Yeah, I may be dull.
501
00:21:17,709 --> 00:21:20,375
Sure, I may be particular
about folding dog blankets,
502
00:21:20,458 --> 00:21:22,041
label tucked under, fringe to the side.
503
00:21:22,125 --> 00:21:23,959
OK, it makes me crazy when dog bowls
504
00:21:24,041 --> 00:21:26,125
aren't stacked ten high,
names to the front.
505
00:21:26,208 --> 00:21:29,375
I like rules, regular bathtime,
lights out at 9:00.
506
00:21:29,458 --> 00:21:32,834
I may not be sporty and cool
like my sister, Dolly.
507
00:21:32,917 --> 00:21:34,125
But you know what?
508
00:21:34,208 --> 00:21:35,750
I'm OK with that,
509
00:21:35,834 --> 00:21:38,417
because I'm me
and I'm proud to be plain old,
510
00:21:38,500 --> 00:21:40,542
black-and-white Dylan.
511
00:21:41,834 --> 00:21:43,333
[crickets chirping]
512
00:21:43,417 --> 00:21:46,083
[chuckles] Little long on the speech, bro.
513
00:21:46,166 --> 00:21:47,834
[snoring and yelping]
514
00:21:51,750 --> 00:21:53,792
-[liquid bubbling]
-[Clarissa humming]
515
00:21:53,875 --> 00:21:55,583
[Clarissa] <i>You're probably wondering</i>
516
00:21:55,667 --> 00:21:58,959
<i>how I, Clarissa, found myself...</i>
517
00:21:59,041 --> 00:22:01,792
[Dylan] <i>Nope. So not interested.</i>
| Speaker | Dialogue |
|---|---|
| TBA | |