— This is a transcribed copy of Poodlefall!. — |
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Previous: "Dawkins Strikes Back" | Next: "Dotty Dancing" |
Speaker | Dialogue |
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TBA |
[PoodleWolf] Oh, glorious Catetonia,
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we your heroes vow to defend thee
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from the evil that is Furball!
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Come, Inventicus. To adventure!
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[making flying noises]
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Uh, Inventicus?
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-[making landing noises]
-You good?
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[Dolly panting]
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Ugh, cut it out, Dolly!
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Oh, what? You say
you want Dylan and Dawkins
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to quit this lame-osity
and hit up the park with me?
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If you don't mind, Inventicus and I
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must defend the realm from Furball's
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-perma-death weapon!
-Ohh!
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Ugh, could you be any more b...
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[gasps] dreamy...
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[romantic music swells]
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In caverns cold and dungeons deep...
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Our sacred vow we swear to keep!
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Yeah yeah, keep! [laughs nervously]
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Um, come sit next to me, Hansel!
I'm playing, too! Heh.
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I'm afraid we're not currently
accepting new adventurers.
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Oh, yeah? Well, I'm afraid it's your turn
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to deep-clean the pooper scoopers!
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Huh?
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In fact, Mum's on the hunt for you.
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-[Dylan] Wha--
-[clears throat] Oh, Mum!
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He's up here, Mum!
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[growls] OK, OK, OK!
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Here, be Dogsbody!
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Yeah, don't wanna be the sidekick again.
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-[growling]
-It's Dogsbody or nobody.
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Ugh. Fine.
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[groans]
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Onwards, adventurers!
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<i>We must obtain the Golden Kibble!</i>
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[gasps] <i>It's Paw the Mighty!</i>
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Hound the Handsome, string your bow!
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Look out! She's charging!
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Whoa! Oof.
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[growls] Dolly!
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Take this seriously!
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Yes, sir, PoodleWolf, sir!
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[Dolly grunting]
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[Dolly laughing] Wahoo!
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[all gasp]
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[clears throat] But all is not lost!
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For we still have... the Golden Kibble!
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[slurping]
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-[gasping]
-[belches]
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[Dawkins] We have breached Fort Furball!
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-Ha-ha!
-Success!
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[yawns]
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Beware, friends! The mighty cat creature
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may perma-kill any one of us at any time--
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with a single furball!
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His expectorations are no match
for your valor, PoodleWolf.
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Does he mean bravery?
[scoffs] What bravery?
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[Dawkins] Ha! Dimwitted dogs!
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You don't stand a chance
against perma-death furballs!
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You do not afright me, Furball!
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For you see, I... am... Poodlewo--
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And I'm Dogsbody!
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Ha! Take that! Also that! Ha! Huh!
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You can't just throw stuff, Dogsbody!
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Can, too! See?
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I'm just as valorioususs...
uh..."brave" as you!
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Dogsbody, no! Not your shield potion!
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Aah! It's supposed
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to make us invulnerable, not Furball!
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-[gasps]
-[fantasy noises]
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[evil laughter]
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[coughs]
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[PoodleWolf gasps]
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It's a direct hit.
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How bad is it?
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PoodleWolf, the dice declare it.
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I'm afraid you're... Perma-dead!
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[Dawkins crying]
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[crying]
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So, uh... park, anyone?
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[sniffling]
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Bow-wacka-wow!
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[Dizzy and Dee-Dee] How could you?
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How could I what?
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We don't dig wolf slayers.
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Wolf slayers? Oh, please, don't tell me...
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B-- PoodleWolf?
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Dylan hasn't slept, he hasn't eaten...
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He didn't even vacuum.
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[sneezes, giggles]
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All right. [sighs] Where is he?
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[ominous bell tolling]
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[sad bagpipe music playing]
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-[bell dong]
-[whimpering]
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At least he didn't live
to see the apocalypse.
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If that's any consolation? [whimpering]
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-[dong]
-[all crying]
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Your gloom is a beacon of despair
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in an ocean of banal triviality.
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[bell ringing continues]
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[wood creaking]
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What? What?
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Ugh! It's just a toy!
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-[record scratch]
-[puppies gasp]
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How dare you desecrate our fallen hero!
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Hey, you're holding a funeral for a doll?
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It's not a doll, Dolly! Not to Dylan.
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He's been playing as PoodleWolf for years,
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raising him from a Level One pup
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to a Level Twenty wolf warrior.
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-[whimpering]
-No longer player and part,
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they are two souls entwined,
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each breathing life into the other!
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But now... now, that life has been
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[blows air] extinguished.
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[sighs] Oh...
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[panting]
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OK, which of these tells you how to
resurrect an over-dramatic lupine canine?
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Perma-dead characters
can't be brought back to life,
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not without... never mind.
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-What?
-It's impossible, Dolly.
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Forget it. It's too dangerous.
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Oh, just tell me, already!
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[Dawkins] The Resurrection Bone.
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A legendary artifact that brings
souls back from beyond.
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But obtaining it involves completing
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the most perilous quest
in all of Poodledom.
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Well, can't you just say we obtained it?
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Uh-- You mean, break the--
[gasping] rules? [panting]
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OK, OK, we'll-- we'll do the quest.
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But you don't understand!
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We'd never survive it!
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[dramatically] Inventicus,
it may not be easy,
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but if there's one thing I know,
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it's that we can survive anything.
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So long as we keep hope alive!
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And we're dead.
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Mana gems don't work on Were-Chihuahuas.
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They have arcane armor!
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Haven't you read <i>The Kings of Kaynineia?</i>
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Ugh! I'll never remember all this!
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-[small door opens]
-Perhaps I can be of assistance.
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Dogsbody! You're not in an attic anymore.
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You're on a battlefield!
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Can you hear the clash of the swords?
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-[making battle sounds]
-[gasping]
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I don't know... k-kinda?
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Arise! These Were-Chihuahuas,
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they want to use you as a toothpick!
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Are you going to let them?
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No.
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What's that?
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[sighs] No!
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Now, look at yourself!
You're no Camden hound.
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You're a mythic mutt of mettle.
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You... are... Dogsbody!
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-[grunting]
- <i>Then fight, Dogsbody! Fight!</i>
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And try to remember
about the arcane armor thing.
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OK? Hmm?
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And so, the adventurers
set forth once again
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as Level One noobs! And though Dogsbody
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did get them killed several more times,
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eventually, the party reached
the dungeon of the She-Troll.
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The battle lasted for hours,
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yet in the end, our heroes triumphed!
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[all cheering]
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[Dawkins] But just as they
were about to seize
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their reward, an unforeseen obstacle
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reared its head. Ugh!
The Resurrection Bone!
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It's not in the box!
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B-But I saw Dylan order it two months ago!
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[gasps] Think I know where it might be!
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-[sitar music sting]
-Meow... meow...
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Constantin. Why would he have it?
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No! No, no! Oh!
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[puppies] Postman!
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[Dolly] Postman's not a big dog fan.
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So what do we do?
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We breach Fort Furball!
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OK, ready!
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Fire!
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Dogsbody!
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[grunting]
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-[Constantin] Hello, dog.
-[gasps]
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I take it this is what you're looking for?
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Our stuff!
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Is it? I see no labels?
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Because you ripped them off!
Ugh! I'm calling Officer Pearl.
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[Constantin] Uh, you broke in here?
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00:09:42,792 --> 00:09:44,959
But as a compromise,
you may choose one box.
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And let that be the end of it.
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Choose wisely! As Guru Miaow says--
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-That one!
-[sighs]
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How very "dog" of you.
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[sighs] Pooper scoopers?
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00:09:57,709 --> 00:10:00,500
You have chosen... poorly.
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00:10:00,625 --> 00:10:01,458
Now, leave!
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00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:03,959
Empty box!
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00:10:04,041 --> 00:10:06,542
[gasps] No! Must... resist...
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00:10:07,208 --> 00:10:10,792
[giggling] But behold-- the void!
231
00:10:10,875 --> 00:10:12,750
The purity of emptiness!
232
00:10:12,834 --> 00:10:16,417
-[grunting] Aha!
-[meowing, purring]
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00:10:20,583 --> 00:10:22,083
[sighs]
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00:10:22,166 --> 00:10:23,458
[Dolly] Dylan!
235
00:10:23,542 --> 00:10:24,917
Hmm? Dolly?
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00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:28,542
Emergency PoodleWolf sesh! Treehouse, now!
237
00:10:28,625 --> 00:10:30,583
The Resurrection Bone!
238
00:10:30,709 --> 00:10:31,792
[Dolly] To resurrect PoodleWolf!
239
00:10:31,875 --> 00:10:33,834
[gasps] Wait, say what?
240
00:10:33,917 --> 00:10:35,542
-[Constantin hisses]
-[gasps] Make haste!
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00:10:35,667 --> 00:10:37,291
Furball approaches!
242
00:10:37,375 --> 00:10:39,458
[hissing]
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00:10:39,542 --> 00:10:41,041
Canis above, heed my wish,
244
00:10:41,125 --> 00:10:43,792
return our warrior,
his flame unextinguish!
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00:10:43,875 --> 00:10:45,125
Whoa!
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00:10:49,417 --> 00:10:52,917
[Dawkins] <i>A white light</i>
<i>shines from the heavens.</i>
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And within it, you see...
248
00:10:55,458 --> 00:10:57,834
Behold! Tis I!
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[gasps] PoodleWolf!
250
00:10:59,834 --> 00:11:01,917
It's just a game, heh.
251
00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:03,458
You!
252
00:11:03,542 --> 00:11:05,000
I thought non-violence
253
00:11:05,083 --> 00:11:07,166
was one of Guru Miaow's basic beliefs?
254
00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:09,667
[Constantin] I am making an exception!
255
00:11:09,875 --> 00:11:13,667
You don't afright me, Furball!
256
00:11:13,750 --> 00:11:16,625
PoodleWolf... again?
257
00:11:16,709 --> 00:11:18,750
Yah! [exclaiming]
258
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:20,083
[hissing]
259
00:11:21,458 --> 00:11:23,208
-[hissing]
-[Mum] Dylan!
260
00:11:23,291 --> 00:11:25,667
-Uhh?
-[Mum] Pooper scooper time! Now!
261
00:11:25,750 --> 00:11:28,041
[both gasp] Pooper scoopers?