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Transcript
This is a transcribed copy of Poodlefall!.
Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "Dawkins Strikes Back" Next: "Dotty Dancing"


Speaker Dialogue
TBA

[PoodleWolf] Oh, glorious Catetonia,

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we your heroes vow to defend thee

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from the evil that is Furball!

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Come, Inventicus. To adventure!

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[making flying noises]

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Uh, Inventicus?

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-[making landing noises]

-You good?

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[Dolly panting]

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Ugh, cut it out, Dolly!

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Oh, what? You say

you want Dylan and Dawkins

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to quit this lame-osity

and hit up the park with me?

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If you don't mind, Inventicus and I

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must defend the realm from Furball's

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-perma-death weapon!

-Ohh!

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Ugh, could you be any more b...

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[gasps] dreamy...

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[romantic music swells]

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In caverns cold and dungeons deep...

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Our sacred vow we swear to keep!

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Yeah yeah, keep! [laughs nervously]

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Um, come sit next to me, Hansel!

I'm playing, too! Heh.

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I'm afraid we're not currently

accepting new adventurers.

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Oh, yeah? Well, I'm afraid it's your turn

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to deep-clean the pooper scoopers!

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Huh?

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In fact, Mum's on the hunt for you.

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-[Dylan] Wha--

-[clears throat] Oh, Mum!

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He's up here, Mum!

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[growls] OK, OK, OK!

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Here, be Dogsbody!

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Yeah, don't wanna be the sidekick again.

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-[growling]

-It's Dogsbody or nobody.

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Ugh. Fine.

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[groans]

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Onwards, adventurers!

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<i>We must obtain the Golden Kibble!</i>

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[gasps] <i>It's Paw the Mighty!</i>

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Hound the Handsome, string your bow!

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Look out! She's charging!

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Whoa! Oof.

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[growls] Dolly!

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Take this seriously!

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Yes, sir, PoodleWolf, sir!

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[Dolly grunting]

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[Dolly laughing] Wahoo!

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[all gasp]

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[clears throat] But all is not lost!

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For we still have... the Golden Kibble!

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[slurping]

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-[gasping]

-[belches]

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[Dawkins] We have breached Fort Furball!

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-Ha-ha!

-Success!

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[yawns]

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Beware, friends! The mighty cat creature

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may perma-kill any one of us at any time--

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with a single furball!

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His expectorations are no match

for your valor, PoodleWolf.

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Does he mean bravery?

[scoffs] What bravery?

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[Dawkins] Ha! Dimwitted dogs!

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You don't stand a chance

against perma-death furballs!

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You do not afright me, Furball!

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For you see, I... am... Poodlewo--

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And I'm Dogsbody!

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Ha! Take that! Also that! Ha! Huh!

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You can't just throw stuff, Dogsbody!

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Can, too! See?

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I'm just as valorioususs...

uh..."brave" as you!

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Dogsbody, no! Not your shield potion!

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Aah! It's supposed

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to make us invulnerable, not Furball!

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-[gasps]

-[fantasy noises]

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[evil laughter]

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[coughs]

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[PoodleWolf gasps]

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It's a direct hit.

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How bad is it?

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PoodleWolf, the dice declare it.

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I'm afraid you're... Perma-dead!

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[Dawkins crying]

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[crying]

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So, uh... park, anyone?

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[sniffling]

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Bow-wacka-wow!

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[Dizzy and Dee-Dee] How could you?

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How could I what?

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We don't dig wolf slayers.

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Wolf slayers? Oh, please, don't tell me...

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B-- PoodleWolf?

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Dylan hasn't slept, he hasn't eaten...

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He didn't even vacuum.

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[sneezes, giggles]

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All right. [sighs] Where is he?

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[ominous bell tolling]

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[sad bagpipe music playing]

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-[bell dong]

-[whimpering]

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At least he didn't live

to see the apocalypse.

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If that's any consolation? [whimpering]

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-[dong]

-[all crying]

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Your gloom is a beacon of despair

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in an ocean of banal triviality.

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[bell ringing continues]

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[wood creaking]

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What? What?

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Ugh! It's just a toy!

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-[record scratch]

-[puppies gasp]

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How dare you desecrate our fallen hero!

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Hey, you're holding a funeral for a doll?

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It's not a doll, Dolly! Not to Dylan.

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He's been playing as PoodleWolf for years,

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raising him from a Level One pup

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to a Level Twenty wolf warrior.

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-[whimpering]

-No longer player and part,

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they are two souls entwined,

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each breathing life into the other!

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But now... now, that life has been

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[blows air] extinguished.

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[sighs] Oh...

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[panting]

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OK, which of these tells you how to

resurrect an over-dramatic lupine canine?

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Perma-dead characters

can't be brought back to life,

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not without... never mind.

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-What?

-It's impossible, Dolly.

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Forget it. It's too dangerous.

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Oh, just tell me, already!

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[Dawkins] The Resurrection Bone.

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A legendary artifact that brings

souls back from beyond.

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But obtaining it involves completing

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the most perilous quest

in all of Poodledom.

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Well, can't you just say we obtained it?

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Uh-- You mean, break the--

[gasping] rules? [panting]

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OK, OK, we'll-- we'll do the quest.

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But you don't understand!

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We'd never survive it!

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[dramatically] Inventicus,

it may not be easy,

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but if there's one thing I know,

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it's that we can survive anything.

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So long as we keep hope alive!

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And we're dead.

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Mana gems don't work on Were-Chihuahuas.

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They have arcane armor!

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Haven't you read <i>The Kings of Kaynineia?</i>

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Ugh! I'll never remember all this!

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-[small door opens]

-Perhaps I can be of assistance.

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Dogsbody! You're not in an attic anymore.

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You're on a battlefield!

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Can you hear the clash of the swords?

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-[making battle sounds]

-[gasping]

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I don't know... k-kinda?

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Arise! These Were-Chihuahuas,

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they want to use you as a toothpick!

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Are you going to let them?

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No.

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What's that?

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[sighs] No!

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Now, look at yourself!

You're no Camden hound.

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You're a mythic mutt of mettle.

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You... are... Dogsbody!

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-[grunting]

- <i>Then fight, Dogsbody! Fight!</i>

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And try to remember

about the arcane armor thing.

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OK? Hmm?

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And so, the adventurers

set forth once again

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as Level One noobs! And though Dogsbody

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did get them killed several more times,

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eventually, the party reached

the dungeon of the She-Troll.

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The battle lasted for hours,

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yet in the end, our heroes triumphed!

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[all cheering]

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[Dawkins] But just as they

were about to seize

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their reward, an unforeseen obstacle

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reared its head. Ugh!

The Resurrection Bone!

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It's not in the box!

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B-But I saw Dylan order it two months ago!

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[gasps] Think I know where it might be!

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-[sitar music sting]

-Meow... meow...

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Constantin. Why would he have it?

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No! No, no! Oh!

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[puppies] Postman!

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[Dolly] Postman's not a big dog fan.

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So what do we do?

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We breach Fort Furball!

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OK, ready!

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Fire!

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Dogsbody!

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[grunting]

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-[Constantin] Hello, dog.

-[gasps]

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I take it this is what you're looking for?

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Our stuff!

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Is it? I see no labels?

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Because you ripped them off!

Ugh! I'm calling Officer Pearl.

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[Constantin] Uh, you broke in here?

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But as a compromise,

you may choose one box.

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And let that be the end of it.

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Choose wisely! As Guru Miaow says--

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-That one!

-[sighs]

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How very "dog" of you.

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[sighs] Pooper scoopers?

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You have chosen... poorly.

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Now, leave!

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Empty box!

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[gasps] No! Must... resist...

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[giggling] But behold-- the void!

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The purity of emptiness!

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-[grunting] Aha!

-[meowing, purring]

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[sighs]

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[Dolly] Dylan!

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Hmm? Dolly?

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Emergency PoodleWolf sesh! Treehouse, now!

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The Resurrection Bone!

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[Dolly] To resurrect PoodleWolf!

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[gasps] Wait, say what?

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-[Constantin hisses]

-[gasps] Make haste!

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Furball approaches!

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[hissing]

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Canis above, heed my wish,

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return our warrior,

his flame unextinguish!

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Whoa!

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[Dawkins] <i>A white light</i>

<i>shines from the heavens.</i>

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And within it, you see...

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Behold! Tis I!

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[gasps] PoodleWolf!

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It's just a game, heh.

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You!

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I thought non-violence

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was one of Guru Miaow's basic beliefs?

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[Constantin] I am making an exception!

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You don't afright me, Furball!

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PoodleWolf... again?

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Yah! [exclaiming]

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[hissing]

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-[hissing]

-[Mum] Dylan!

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-Uhh?

-[Mum] Pooper scooper time! Now!

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[both gasp] Pooper scoopers?

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